it just take one news to change your life forever..
i nv cried so hard all my life..

tml marks the last day of attending official classes. how fast this is. however, it doesnt mean holidays are here. first paper will be on 7th and 2 papers will fall on the 11th dec. in betwn there will be alot of activities including working of coz. i gotta save up for splurge in thai on jan! =]

the mugging war time is soon to start again. =[

Life has been such a bitch nowadays. Seriously speaking? I feel that i am shutting out activities, gatherings, friends or even my own boyfriend out. Why is this so? No idea. Just an urgency of need to be alone, away from everything and anything. Not sociable i guess. And price have been paid. Repeatedly rejecting my uni friends for outings have definitely strain our friendship. Comments of me being anti-social have been voiced. I felt bad too. But i guess they wouldnt understand cause we aint sharing much of our personal lives either. I know my milkies do understand. =] shed a couple of tears when i met up with them the other day. They knew and understand what i'm going through in a way. There was a great release of emotions kept inside me. I look forward to the day i graduate really. One might not believe, i actually hope to start work soon. Seriously.

One doesnt need alot of friends, just kept a few that are close to your heart. I always believe that. =] Lesbian partner, we need to meet too. Gossips is needed as fuel. Haha.

i'm tired. very tired. extremely tired.

i need positive psychology before depression eats me up. dont be mistaken, i havent got depression. just an metaphor. =]

Friends, how many do one really need?

an apology and explanation that came too late...

As i sat on the bus on the journey to school today, the thoughts of you came to my mind. Somehow i misses you as i thought of the past memories we created together. You were special to me but i guess we weren't meant to be. I couldn't tell whether you were true to me or not as your words contradict with your actions. Everyone around us were expecting us to be together. Seriously i thought we will too, unfortunately i am not those 'little woman' you were looking for and were trying to change me into. I am an independent lady who has her own perspectives and decisions to make. As the relationship progresses more intimately, the more stress i felt and the more i believed i could not meet up to your expectation.

Maybe the changing of our relationship status was a mistake to begin with. You just left her and decided to find back the friends that you have lost during your dating period. Sometimes i wonder if you were using me to forget about her. I aint putting the blame on you and frankly, i wonder if i were using you too. You were like a splitting image of him, the him whom i have waited for 5 yrs and the love wasn't shared. Maybe the one i really like was him but you with the same personality as him were showering me with the attention which i hope to get from him. But lucky i realized it soon enough, especially after that 'incident'.

I'm sorry we didn't make things clear or should i say i didn't made things clear to you. Especially when one day i turned up with Nicholas and you knew nothing at all beforehand. I know you were angry, i could sense that. The way you avoided me and showing hostilitywas so obvious even the rest could tell it. I'm not going to say that i regret we didn't work out because i know i was right in choosing the one who really loves me and i really love him. Ours was a stressful and insecure relationship for me because you couldn't provide me with the assurance and i really wonder when you ask me if i have already like you since the poly days. I guess then it was just some form of infatuation and not true love.

It is really an undeniable fact that i do miss you. I wonder if then we didn't choose that way to develop maybe we are still close now, hanging out often. Now, the you that have change, i don't who you are anymore. Is this the real you? I miss the old one though. The only thing i regret was we can never be the same like before anymore and i doubt you would ever read this. But somehow or rather i hope we could turn back time and not let those changes happen. May be things will stay just like the old times. Ha. Who am i kidding. 2 years have already passed and i have been avoiding this, today by blogging it down, i am ready to face it and even let it go pass behind me. =]

Dear readers, don't get me wrong. This isn't a post to confess to Nicholas abt my past. In fact he knew this the moment we were together. I am truthful to my boy. =]

I suppose only a few would know who i am talking abt especially lesbian partner eh and i would appreciate that those who know, don't go ard helping me spread the names. =] thankyou! =]

The period of working, studying, exams, quizzes are once here again. Slping only maximum 5 hours a day is draining. With H1N1 looming around, working in a clinic certainly puts me as a walking virus. LOL. But no worries yah, got all the necessary vaccine in me last month already.

I seem to forgot to mention that i actually went back to the childcare and work 2 weeks ago. While i was preparing to head to work, i was wondering, would me darlings forgot abt me? But NO! =] The moment i appeared at the window, they all got real excited and definitely remember to shout Teacher Yahmei at the top of their voice. Oh gosh, now that they are in K2, i miss the times i spent with them, teaching them in Nursery. Look how fast they have grow over the 3 yrs! =]

Lots of staff changes observed, makes me wonder if i will accept the offere to come back as a permanent teacher offered by my principal. It no longer seem like an ideal working environment. Hmm.

anyway, i'm up this moment to mug and it's time to wish me gd lucks. 2papers for tml! =] I need lotsa coffee~!

It breaks my heart seeing you like that today. But you know i do not want it too. We have to accept it as a fact that both of us can't deny unless we can get through it. I hope you understand it pains me too though i don't really show it. Because i tell myself, there is a need to be strong...


Happy 19th Months to my noob boyfriend! =]

No fancy pictures or words, just a plain normal updates who are interested to know what has been happening in my life. =]

Spring semester officially ended on the 24th of April. What's so memorable about this semester? I would say slping only 4 hrs everyday with never-ending workloads and a burning temperature of 38.6 degrees that accompanied me through the final papers. Definitely not forgetting to thank those people who add on to my list of unnecessary workloads. =]

What can i say? After suffering for 15 weeks, the Summer semester is beginning like... DUH! TOMORROW! This is just great isnt it? Only one week holiday and i'm working 5 days. Where the rest dude?

On a happier note, i decided to lessen my burden by taking lesser modules this coming semester. Partly due to the crazy amt of school fees that has finally taken a toll on my family. =] Taking less modules means lesser $ isnt it? =] 3 days a week of school doesnt sounds that bad. =]

It's not as though sch hasnt been fun, it has its fun times all becoz i'm surrounded by my wonderful ladies and guys i know in UB. And they are my source of energy in times of need. You know you can depend on them when school troubles are there to haunt you.

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Cant say much for personal life, weekends are definitely burned. Saturdays are definitely for my army boy who is trying his utmost best to protect the nation. Sundays are working and time to catch up with workloads before nightmares begin on Monday. Therefore i couldnt blame people around me for calling me boring, no life or overly stressing yourself. Only the one who is in my shoes can truely felt how i wish all this would be a nightmare too.

However, March and April is also a beautiful month for all my love ones!
First on the list would be my three lovely milkies:
Xiu - 26th Mar
Vjm - 4th Apr
Ange - 24th Apr
Secondly, the yellowish yellow Stella who was born on the 19th of Apr.
Thirdly, one of my SIM babes; Michelle - 26th Apr.
Last but not least, my long long secondary sch friend; WanXin who had her special 21st on the 28th Apr.

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Gosh! i really have a lot of catching up to do but i do not have the time and energy. =( Can i be granted more than 24hrs?

Alright! Quite a few people have been asking me for my Birthday Wish List! But i have been putting it off cause there aint anything that i really wanted.

Here's what i have come out with, i really tried my best thinking!

1. Crumpler (But i think Nic's already getting it for me, so double check with him?)
2. Vouchers?
3. Actually there is nothing much i really wants to have, hahaha. maybe u all should just go ask nic coz he is the one remembering all the, i want this and i want that when we go out together. u all can add him at nicholas_chia1987@hotmail.com to msn him. =p

Remember, it will be on the 22nd Feb, my place at 1pm! =]

Then off to Tekong On the 8th with Nic and family. =[

Other than that, i celebrated yishi's 21st birthday! it was a great nightout and see her get dumped in to the pool! =] Thankyou for the inviting me! Do send me the pictures ya! =]

After all that fun was school reopen which was partly another reason why i was unwilling to update my blog. hahahha. i know full of excuses. oh well. busy busy is the word to describe school. quizes and tests started on the 2nd week of school which was crazy. But lucky for the CNY, i got another week's of break and of coz, Nic's first bookout! and we check out Sofra, a turkish restaurant that we long wanted to visit! =]